Magnus IV - how to get something done
The art of wanting something too much.
When I was studying at Uppsala University, I had big problems with my exams. I used to fail with just a few points every time, no matter how much I had studied, practiced and prepared myself before the final exams of each topic.
Motivation was not a problem, I love physics – I wanted to know as much possible about how the universe works ever since I was a kid. Laziness – not my business I can tell you. Intelligence – I’m not the brightest, but definitely smart enough for these topics.
According to what I had been taught I should succeed as long as my Intention was 100%. I had been told that
Intention + Method = Result
and that the Method would come by itself no matter what as long as the Intention stays 100%… true in a way. You need Intention to get something started at all. But I found that there are more to this than just being motivated and wanting to succeed.
I made a lot of stupid small errors, when I took the exams . Suddenly 2 + 3 = 6 and 2 x 3 = 5 etc. One could blame that on several things. Am I too nervous? Am I to focused on the difficult parts of the calculus I’m performing? Can’t I keep focus long enough?
I compared this with the stress curve that shows how athletes often react when it comes to the Olympics or similar events of high importance. The more you want to succeed the higher tension you will build up and the better you will perform, until you have passed the limit and get too tensed, see fig below.
“When the going get’s tough” some of you might think, but I was not going anywhere no matter how anxious, annoyed and frustrated I was. I was convinced that I had the ability and intelligence to make it.
I tried the methods of getting more relaxed – changing my mental state and putting myself into the zone of flow and then I tried mindfulness – and I felt much better during the next exam, so relaxed, happy and good – but nothing got better in my results. I still made those small errors and worse – I fooled myself into producing total nonsense on tasks, at the same time as I felt I had had a struck of genius.
I took help from the psychology department at the university. We examined the feelings I had, and the thoughts that emerged when I was taking the next 2 – 3 exams.
I started to make small notes - a journal during these exams about which task I was solving during which time interval. I also noted how I felt, what happened in the room and my inner thoughts about what I had at hand for the moment, sitting in a large hall together with some 100 other students,
When I got my papers back after my teacher had corrected my tasks I compared the outcome on each and every task and found that after every small incident around me, I only performed rubbish for 30 minutes.
What was this all about? Did I not want myself to succeed? I went down into my core values about myself, since you can as I wrote in my first blog trip yourself over very easily if you do not believe that you actually do not deserve something in life.
I found this to be true, and got rid of some old less flattering pictures of myself, and tried again – still the same result.
The next exams were Statistical Mecanics and Thermodynamics. I studied together with my friends and the first exam in Thermodynamics I tried to sit alone in an more or less empty office room.
During the exam the phone in the room, which I had been told was disconnected, started to ring. After I had tried to ignore it for 2 – 3 minutes I answered, to tell the person who kept calling that I was in the middle of an exam, and who ever they where looking for was not there, and I was surely not going to go looking for that person now!
Next thing an hour later my teacher came to check on how I was doing and to let me have the chance to ask questions if there where something unclear about the tasks. I told him about the phone incident and when he saw what I was producing on that task – he kindly informed me that I needed to look through that question once more since I was solving a muck more difficult problem than what the task actually was about.
Thanks to this I could read through the task again with my full attention (no ringing phone disturbing) and recognized what he actually was asking for. I had to redo all the work on that task, but managed to solve 2 more and barely passed this exam.
Ok – if I could sit alone it seemed that I could, as long as I was not disturbed by ringing phones or other unforeseen events, produce something. Now I thought it was time for my breakthrough so I solved every old task of the Statistical Mechanics exams given before, every task in the book, and read it through from cover to cover twice before the exam, together with a girl I liked a lot.
I felt comfortable, about knowing all there was to know, and went to the exam calmed and relaxed, together with her.
She got the best result of all – full points on the exam – not a single mistake. Guess what – I failed as usual. Even when I got the chance to sit alone – not getting disturbed and being totally prepared – I failed again.
Summer had come and I had to go back to work. The only thing I could do was to wait to the next period should start in late august, when all the exams given last year, were to be given again (never including the same task though – of course with new tasks every time ).
Throughout august I spent a lot of time helping my best friend to prepare for this exam, as he also had failed on it the year before when he tried to take that course. I was his Tudor, knowing every part of the course by heart so well that I did not even need a book, to be able to guide him through how to solve each problem or task.
We went to the exam, him being nervous about his ability, but sure that I would do great. Me full of lust for revenge – sure that I could only succeed since I had proven to myself that I knew this topic, being able to teach my friend the full course in 3 weeks.
He got the next highest grade, and guess what – I failed again.
Now my friends had had it – this was not fair in their eyes, so they went to our teacher and told him about my knowledge on the topic, how I had studied with one of them to match her to her highest score ever, and taught the other the whole course within 3 weeks so that he got the second highest grade on his exam.
My teacher then called for me to meet him for a discussion (not an exam or a test) because he wanted to know what I had learned and how I solved the tasks given .
I went to his office, totally unprepared, and he gave me an examination task from one of the old exams, to solve there on his white board. I started to sort the task out, explaining the physics of the task, set up the calculations and computed the answer infront of him within less than 10 minutes (one task should normally take approx. 1 h to finish). He gave me another one and I explained that one as well, and solved it within 5 minutes, and so he kept going on with me for about 1 h.
After that it was clear to my teacher that I had gasped the concepts of this course and had the skills required. So he told me he had nothing more to teach me on this subject, and that I should not have a problem to pass an exam with these skills. I went home so some extent feeling a little bit better that I got the confirmation on my skills, but still frustrated that I did not pass the written exam.
The day after my friends came to get me, since the official records of the last exam had been officially displayed on the big board in the school entrance. I had not made the trouble to go there since I was sure I had failed, after the lesson when our teacher had handed the test out after evaluation, and did not want to se that stated in public.
Against my will they dragged me there anyway, to that big board, because they wanted me to look at the final ratings. Guess if I was surprised. Instead of finding my points from the exam stated on the result list there was only one comment given – I got the highest grade on the course! Never would I have guessed that, when I had the talk to my teacher the day before.
Through this I found the method for the rest of my exams – I never took a written test on paper after that – all my exams were oral, on a whiteboard in front of a teacher, where I could explain how to solve a task and the physics behind it, in a direct dialogue.
What is then the conclusion on all this?
I had to be relaxed enough, prepared enough, with the full intention of doing this to get through – in other words:
Intention x Method = Result
- they both need to be 100% to get 100% result – no more no less.
Intention is the opening key to get anything done – without it nothing happens. Too much can block you, if you include eagerness, tension etc into it. As if you want to close a deal too much, or pick up a girl/boy when you are in a nearly desperate mode. Simply put to much at stake on a single event or occasion, if you want it too much you won’t be your very best. Relax, take one step back and be sure that you will succeed eventually
Method is crucial to get an outcome of it all, and it can be very personal some times. Do not make the mistake to think there is something wrong with you – try another method if the first one does not work.
Remember – you have not failed on anything until you give it up forever – until you succeed it only means you are not there yet, but you have gained more knowledge about something, and the key is to be open enough to take it in and make the changes necessary to reach your goal.
I will return upon the subject to be “cool” enough to succeed in closing a deal or pick somebody up later – that is the story of attraction marketing.
/Magnus
P.S. A few weeks later I found out that my teacher also had changed my grades on the Thermodynamics to the second best degree, too. It felt good that he had recognized my true knowledge and skills on these topics. I am also very grateful that my friends made that contact with my teacher, and told him what I had done for them on these courses – without them I do not think he would have been so positive towards me upon having that “hearing” under no pressure at all. D.S.