Get busy living or get busy dying
Have you seen the Shaw shank redemption? It's one of the greatest movies ever made. In this picture there are two prisoners in jail, contemplating over the life they are living there and the meaning of it all.
During their conversation they come to the conclusion that if you're not living the life you want to or where supposed to, your whole existence is more or less meaningless and will only make you depressed, sad, unhappy, miserable, mean, selfish - all the things you do not want to be, so you actually only have 2 choices in life: get busy living or get busy dying.
I have not felt joy and happiness more than for a few glimpses in life throughout the years. Neither have I liked or loved myself. I have spent a lot of years thinking that my fault was that I were not grateful enough about all I had in life - that I was spoiled, and by just changing my attitude towards being more grateful for what I had, and try to focus more on helping and giving to others, I would become more happy.
But after a while I realized that even if I'm not in a real prison I had imprisoned myself for a long time working on a job I did not like, being in relations that did not give me what I wanted or needed, trying to be nice and loving to others, just to be accepted and maybe allowed to be part of a context or society based on somebody else values, hoping to be given something back of what I longed for. This did not make me or the ones around me an ounce more happy, nor did it bring good health, wealth or satisfaction to me or my surrounding.
It has taken me four years to question more or less everything in my life - my habits, my patterns, my feelings, my dreams, hopes and fears. I finally came to the understanding that I have one big responsibility in life and that is to take good care of myself and my own happiness. The hard part was to understand that this is not egoism - I can only give real love to others when I love and take care of myself and my own needs.
So how do I achieve this life then? I understood that I had to set goals for myself to achieve and that achieving them should give me satisfaction, both in the long run and in everyday life. But since I started my journey towards happiness, wealth and health, I have discovered that some of the goals I had set up for my self have been much easier to reach than others.
Is it because some of them are unrealistic? My experience says the opposite here - I grew strength in the gym much faster than I ever expected and exceeded the goal possible to achieve according to experts. But at the same time I did not reach my goal to loose weight, even if that was set on a pace less than 50% of what's healthy according to most experts.
Is it because some goals seems more important or fun than the others? I do not look upon it that way either. Anyone who has practiced weightlifting for a year or more, knows that it is "no pain - no gain", a mental challenge every time you have to push your limits and your muscles not want to lift that heavy load. Loosing weight is to make a different choice every day - should I eat this or that, and does sugar really satisfy my hunger, or is it just an unhealthy appetite, or even a comfort for a need for something else?
I had a short term goal on how much money I should have made before the 28th of December 2014, that felt on the verge of being unrealistic, which I did not have a clue on to how to achieve, when I set it, and I reached it a week before the deadline, to my own big surprise.
Is it that I'm afraid of what happens if I succeed? Don't think so - the outcome of me loosing some weight could make me look better, and attract my partner more - rendering more positive interaction between us, and maybe making me look a bit better and more attractive in other peoples eyes - I would, for sure, not mind that either, since I've experienced that before when I was younger.
What I have found is that it is on a deeper level that I have to come clear about things. It is all about values. What do I value the most in my life? What value have I given myself? What are the values that I live by?
Are you clear on this yourself?
Make a list for your self. Start by listing what you value. Where do you want to go? Which sports do you like? What activities would you like to participate in? Which characters in movies and books do you look up to? Who do you admire and why? What morals do you value and why? Try to rid yourself of old blueprints from society and family - be honest to yourself, you will probably find that you want to do the right thing, most people want to do that, if you were to life in a happy balanced state yourself, giving love to other people around you, since that is what we humans are genetically programmed to do.
This should not become just a wish list - this list of what you like and want to do should eventually be transformed into your bucket list - the one you want to live and achieve every goal that is within it. It should also direct you towards the life style you want to have, so be serious enough to value if it i s worth it, for every single wish you have - and make sure it is your own wishes - not somebody else dream you are trying to live.
Use this list to set your goals in your life. Use the goals to make plans for how you are going to live en get busy doing it.
I've started to write my real bucket list and I've started making my plans of how to achieve those goals, so they do not only become wishes and dreams - I got busy living. What about you - what do you choose?